The Scary Shit we do in Real Life, Part 2:  Santa Claus

Santa Claus.  Kris Kringle.  Jolly Old Saint Nick.  Father Christmas.  St. Nicholas, the real-life 4^th century bishop who gave gifts to the needy.  You’ve likely referred to the gift-giving rosy-cheeked man in red by one of those names in your lifetime.  You probably also know the 1823 poem titled “’Twas the Night Before Christmas” by Clement Clarke Moore – if you’re of a certain age, you likely know parts of it by heart.  But have you ever stopped to think about what you’ve (ok, we’ve) recited year after year as you sit and contemplate your Christmas tree?  Have you ever thought about the actual words?  Let’s.  Just for a little while, let’s.

Moore talks about a lovely night; the kids are asleep and a simple man and his wife have just laid down to close their own eyes when a sound jolts him from his sleep, causing him to investigate.  You know the rest – flying reindeer, one of which has a glowing nose, a bottomless sleigh of gifts, and a portly old gent who breaks into the house to see what’s what… Twilight Zone-level stuff.  Spooked yet?  No?

Wait… there’s more.

If the idea of someone puttering around your house while you sleep isn’t enough to scare you silly, think about what song writers have added to the lore over the years.  The holiday ditty “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” admonishes children to keep a stiff upper lip and be good because Santa is coming to town.  It goes on to remind them that he sees kids when they are asleep and that they’d better be good… for goodness sakes.  “Here Comes Santa Claus” cautions kids to get into bed and cover their heads because Santa is on his way.

Um… what?

On its face, the lyrics are disconcerting; it’s easy to catch stalker vibes a la the Police’s “Every Breath You Take” but think about it for a second.  Let those lyrics resonate…

What kind of otherworldly, omniscient, shapeshifting (because how does he get into houses without a chimney, I ask you?  How’d he get past the home security system?  How’d he…) weirdo is looking inside your house, your very room –  everyone’s room – to know when you are sleeping?  Following you, peeking into your mind to find out what you’ve done and to whom, waiting to mete out punishment for the “bad” deeds? 

Keep it going – what kind of magic does Santa possess to make it to the house of every kid in the world and leave them a gift before Christmas morning… in every time zone? 

How’d he find you if you weren’t at your own house for Christmas? 

And we’re ok letting kids believe in this home-invading conjurer – so much so that we feed him too?

 It’s ok…

Maybe he only practices the good kind of magic…

M-maybe the stories about getting a lump of coal in your stocking for doing bad things is the worst of it…     

L. Marie Wood

Really! December is here! If you’re like me, you just started celebrated on Dec. 1st – I try to give all of the holidays their just due so I wait until after Thanksgiving to get into the spirit. So, now that the season is here, that means it’s time for holiday movies… and by that I mean horror movies!

Must-See Christmas Horror Movies

Snow on the ground.  Hot chocolate in steaming mugs.  Christmas lights twinkling on the tree.  Pick your song and cue the music (“Baby, it’s cold outside,”, “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,”), and sway… don’t forget to sway.  This scenario is as familiar as they come.  It represents the making of memories, the ones you call upon throughout the year to bring you joy, a sense of belonging, and love.  It is also the default scene for many Christmas horror movies and those of us who like that kind of thing get nostalgic just thinking of cold winter nights with a good slasher film on the TV.  Ah, the holidays.

If you’re looking for a good (and that’s a relative term, mind you) Christmas horror movie, check this list out.  It this goes beyond Gremlins, A Christmas Carol (because… ghosts), and The Night Before Christmas, folks – they are must-see Christmas horror movies in their own right, but you knew that already.  So settle in, pour yourself a cup of hot chocolate, and pull the covers around you real tight… because everyone knows that the covers hide you from what’s lurking in the shadows, the thing waiting in the shadowy place just beyond the flickering lights on your Christmas tree… right?

Black Christmas – Don’t mess with girls in their sorority house… period.  The 1974 original stars Margot Kidder pre-Superman fame and is a slasher movie through and through.  Halloween may have put slasher movies on the map, but Black Christmas is the precursor in the genre.  Alert – there was a remake of this movie in 2019.  There was also one made in 2006.  Compare and contrast, if you dare!

Silent Night, Deadly Night – The beginning of a franchise, Silent Night, Deadly Night might be the most recognizable title in the Christmas slasher genre.  A boy, traumatized at a young age, is triggered later in life to reenact his parents’ gruesome murders.  And then the bleeding commences. 

Krampus – Don’t believe in the spirit of Christmas?  You’d better get yourself in gear before Krampus comes to visit.  The antithesis of Santa Claus, Krampus punishes those who misbehave in the most terrifying of ways.  Kind of sheds new light on the lyrics of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”, doesn’t it?

Being a little spooked inside the confines of one’s own home is not relegated Halloween – stories of home invasions frightening us out of our sleep and hallucinations of flying animals attest to that (you know, ‘Twas the… I know you know).  So, give in.  Add a little Christmas fear with your Christmas cheer!

L. Marie Wood

Yes, I said it. I am the female Blade. If you want to know why, you’ll have to check out this interview over at HorrorAddicts.net. It’s worth the read, I will say that! LOL!

So, what have you been up to since the last time I sent out blog post? Nothing? Everything? Both at the same time? Yeah, I get it – same here. This week went by incredibly fast. I can hardy pick out the stuff I did… well, I mean there are a few things:

• I got about halfway through Invisible Chains by Michelle Renee Lane, which is saying something because finding time to read is difficult for me these days. Invisible Chains is a vampire tale set in the antebellum south and it is imaginative and beautiful, engaging and definitely a great way to spend your time. I can’t wait to crack it open again this weekend.
• I wrote about 10,000 words in part 2 of a novel that you haven’t even seen part 1 of yet! 🙂 I can’t wait for you to see this new series. And… guess what (!?!??!?!)… it’s a romance! Well, ok, a romance/sci-fi/psychological horror magical soup and I am kinda (READ: TOTALLY) pumped about it. But you’ll have to wait for that, at least for a little while… (mischievous grin)
• I’m pushing around the bits and pieces for a textbook that will accompany a horror course that I have created. 2021 might see that come to life – stay tuned, horror writing fans.
• I am about to OFFICIALLY bounce up and down in my seat about the AMAZINGLY AWESOME Lynne Hansen doing not one, not two, but FOUR covers for me! She will be reimaging my vampire novel, The Promise Keeper, and my short story collections, Caliginy, Phantasma, and Anathema. All this amazingness is scheduled to come out in February 2021, so, more on that later.
• I read a different portion of The Realm out loud earlier this week and felt absolutely giddy about it!!! How far along are you in the story? Comment here and let me know! Did you finish it and love it? Did it keep you up at night? Are you afraid to walk into a dark room alone? Yeah!!!! *clears throat* I mean, excellent. 🙂 Please post a review on Amazon and Goodreads. Do you need a copy? (Because yeah, you really do neeeeeed Patrick and his horror/sci-fi goodness in your life) – pick one up at Amazon!
• I am trying to put together a 3D projector puzzle because, you know, I write screenplays, and I wanted to put this on my mantel but it is winning right now… all these little pieces, I…
• I watched His House (a horror movie centered around the plight of a Sudanese couple) and yes, it is really, really good – substantive in ways you don’t expect… and very creepy.
• Started on the One Missed Call series, because Japanese horror movies are my jam.

Hmmm, that’s actually a decent list. What did you do this week? Give me some suggestions for next week!

Until next time…

L. Marie Wood

Hello reader folks! J.L. Gribble and I sat down for an interview about my new novel, The Realm. Do you know Patrick yet? If, not, let me formally introduce you! 🙂 Learn why Patrick runs, what Michael B. Jordan and Mads Mikkelsen have to do with it, and… well, you’ll see! 🙂

Wanna fill a few minutes in your day with book talk? I was lucky enough to be on Michael Williams’ Social Distancing Radio show and the discussion just went live! It is coffee break short and worth a listen! 🙂 Check it out!

https://www.robustmcmanlypants.org/socialdistancingradio/perishables/the-realm-l-marie-wood-sdr-episode-0062/

🙂